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Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003

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Time:12:14 am.
Mood: creative.
Add cheshirexo.

It's me. I'm sharing my life with you again. Haha

Wednesday, June 11th, 2003

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Subject:I'd love to score some reefer and a 40
Time:12:31 am.
Mood: blah.
Bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored... Bored.


1. I miss my Dad.

Father's Day is the stupidest holiday. I hate it. It should die.

2. I miss my friends.

3. I miss Eddie.

Please. Don't ask me why - I knew it was coming. I'm never gonna talk to him again. But that's just fine and fucking dandy.

4. I miss being happy.

5. I miss just having someone.

I've become really whiny and I could care less. </c>

Everything is pissing me off and I swear I'm losing my mind. I swear to hell I wish I had more courage. I wish I could do everything I used to. I'm so fucking tired of people and it's getting ridiculous.

Fuck writing in this journal.

This is last post.

Friday, June 6th, 2003

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Subject:Gah..
Time:2:15 am.
Cold and sweaty.. Snorted some hydracodine.. pill.. thing.. Eh.. It was in that 'codine' family anyway. My headache went away! Yay! Yaa-aa-ay!

Gr. No one to talk to so bed time.. Or I'll read. Who knows.

Thursday, June 5th, 2003

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Subject:Gr.
Time:1:57 am.
Mood: gloomy.
Didn't go.. Mum came home and felt shitty so I didn't want to leave. Tomorrow I'll go.

So! I was just sitting here... All day... Thinking of him and asking myself why I fucked things up in the first place. Thinking of why I was stupid enough to let him go. 10 months is ridiulous... And it's not even like I'm as bad as I was... Just makes me mad that I have this incredible feelings for someone who hates me and/or doesn't even remember I'm alive. I keep feeling like one day something amazing is going to happen, like he's just going to talk to me again. And I know he won't. Not unless I say something first... And he'll probably be mad at me.

I just can't get him out of my head some days. Just wondering if he cared as much as he swore he did.. And how he ever got the idea that I stopped caring about him. I want so much to talk to him, and I'm terrified. And theres still this part of me who wants to forget him, and I can't. This thing wasn't resolved. It's still an open book to me and I just want to ask him things... So many things. I need to or I'll think of it forever. I don't want to think about it forever. I need to let it go.

It's just super hard.

My cousin might come down in August with her car (YAAY!) and we get to go places and do things and fun yay stuff! I hope she comes down.

Gonna go cry now.. Fun. x_x

Wednesday, June 4th, 2003

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Subject:Oooou.
Time:5:54 pm.
Mood: ditzy.
Justin cut his hair. He looks REALLY really cute with short hair. Woo. Goin' out to see him tonight. He looks fine. Woo woo. Oh yeah.. He's cute.

o_o

I'm really bored. I think I should go do some work... Gonna go do that. Then shower again... Get ready... Go out... Woo. Fun, fun.

End.

Monday, June 2nd, 2003

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Subject:Phallic shaped bong.
Time:11:48 pm.
Mood: moody.
bong
You are a BONG.


Which Pot-Smoking Apparatus Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Go figure.

I've done the hamster in mouth thing twice. Haha... It's fun to get high in cars and go do spooky things. You're all "HAHA! SHIT! AHHHHHHHH! HAHAHAHAHA"

The end

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Subject:...Forget it.
Time:3:44 pm.
Mood: blah.
"Omg. When do parents finally get the hint u want them 2 stop talkin? My mom asked why i wasn't walkin wit nikki today 'n' i told her that we weren't talkin 2 each other anymore. Then she gave me a HUGE lecture bout how friends r always friends eventhough they get into arguments sometimes.

I kept tellin her "i know mom. i know mom." but she refused 2 stop. Shes like the freakin energizer bunny. Keeps goin 'n' goin 'n' goin. I mean sheesh. Then she started tellin me how she never had a friend like that when she was younger so we shouldn't throw our friendship away."



Gee.

I feel wanted.

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Subject:Doing it.
Time:3:40 pm.
Mood: aggravated.
Surgery.

So I can become completely un-me.

I can't wait.

Thursday, May 29th, 2003

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Subject:Thanks
Time:3:03 pm.
Mood: creative.
I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. It means a lot to know that some people care, yay! -hugs to all- Thank you.

Read mine and Chrissy's ghetto discussion.: Read more...Collapse )

When I come back in JULY Chrissy is throwing me a surprise party! Yay! And.. Stuff. And... I get presents! And.. Yay! Woo woo! Fun fun! Eee!

And when I come back... I am gonna see Jen because I have to. I am getting a coconut, too. Woo! Anyway..

I'm gonna go clean more...

Tuesday, May 27th, 2003

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Subject:You can wish..
Time:9:34 pm.
Mood: aggravated.
You can wish and wish and wish for everything to just go back to being okay. You can wish with all your heart. You can put all your strength into wishing... All your tears and your thoughts and just everything into wishing... And yet wishing does nothing. N o t h i n g. I'm so tired of just being alive and not knowing what to do with myself. I can't be myself unless I'm part of someone else. I don't know who myself is. I don't know how to be alone. I don't remember what it's like. I've always prided myself about being so independent, so free and not giving a shit about people and I've just now come to realize that I've been fucking playing myself for a fool. Being alone scares me. Being independent scares me. Responsibility scares me.

And that pisses me off.

I would love to just crawl inside my own head and analyze myself. I need to find out what I'm all about. I hate the fact that no matter what, I can't seem to do a thing right. I try so hard, too. And people don't see it. I wish I had someone to just talk to, someone who won't judge me.

I need a friend.

I turn all of my sadness into anger and that's stupid. It's always one extreme or the other, there is NO happy medium. HYPER or fucking sad as shit. Happy or completely angry at the world. I can ramble on and on about STUPID things that people don't care about...

But no one reads this shit anymore.

I might as well stop.

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Subject:Chug.
Time:8:58 pm.
Mood: hyper.
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:53:38 PM): woo woo chuga chuga
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:53:43 PM): what am i?
Magic Kookie5 (8:53:48 PM): lol
Magic Kookie5 (8:53:53 PM): a train?
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:53:54 PM): WRONG! i am a paper AIRPLANE WOOOO
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:53:59 PM): swoooooooosh
Magic Kookie5 (8:54:00 PM): lol
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:54:08 PM): llol hi
Magic Kookie5 (8:54:28 PM): hi
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:54:36 PM): school bah
Magic Kookie5 (8:54:48 PM): lol why do you say that?
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:54:56 PM): almost bed time
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:54:57 PM): poo
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:54:58 PM): wait
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:54:59 PM): no
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:55:03 PM): thats phone time
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:55:06 PM): or is it bed time?
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:55:11 PM): or no computer time
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:55:14 PM): CORNER TIME
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:55:15 PM): dunce
Magic Kookie5 (8:55:25 PM): lol my bed time..
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:55:29 PM): poo
Rock Out Emo Kid (8:55:58 PM): i am on my last ciggie. livin it up woo


Randomness. Rainy day. Fun day. Lightning, WOO!

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Subject:In shadows growing wings..
Time:3:11 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Found this from a post in a friends journal:

After a while you learn the subtle difference... Between holding a hand and chaining a soul... And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning... And company doesn't mean security... And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts... And presents aren't promises... And you begin to accept your defeats... With your head up and your eyes open... With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child


Made me think, too much perhaps, about that L-word. I think I've been throwing it around too much lately, and I really need to stop. I need to start thinking before I say something that profound to someone.

I just had a deep converstion with Chrissy. A very rare thing.

Not gonna get into it.. Eh.. My head hurts from all this thinking.

Monday, May 26th, 2003

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Subject:Ugh.
Time:8:15 pm.
Mood: stressed.
I walk in...

"You didn't lock the door, Kris."
"..Sorry."
"Whatever. Just fucking double check next time."

No "Hey! Where'd ya go?" or "Hi!" or "How was your day?" just.. "You didn't lock the fucking door." It's not like we have anything to steal anyway, Christ. They said they came back at one which is bullshit, unless I woke up just as they left again. They could have woke me up.

And to top it off - They came back bent as shit. Great. I hope she drinks another fucking bottle of wine and turns into an asshole.

And I don't even have anywhere to go... It's hot as shit outside. I was out for an hour and came back all sweaty - Fuck that. I'm taking his keys the second they start fighting and I'll go somewhere. Fuck them.

I need fucking people to go and chill with. I hate being here all the time. Florida is bullshit unless your 18.

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Subject:What the fuck?
Time:7:10 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
Woke me up at 10 after I fell asleep at 5... "Wanna go to breakfast?" No.. I'll be grumpy. Let me sleep a little longer. But Joe wanted to leave so they left without me. Woke up at 1 and they were still gone. It's now 7 and they haven't been back.

Not a call or anything.

Gee. How lovely.

I'm so fucking tired of Florida.

I'm gonna go for a walk. No note. Just leave. Let them worry.

Fuck them. Assholes.

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Subject:Stuff.. Fill it out
Time:3:47 am.
Mood: awake.
Name:
Age:

Reason for lj username:

Aim sn:
Reason for aim sn:

Do you enjoy reading my lj:
Why:

Interesting fact about you:
Weird fact about u:

Quote:

Will you post this in ur lj:

If you saw me out in the streets would you say hi:

Do it now!


I stoled it from Jen. Hehe!

Oil burners are cool... Pretty sun-glowie-oil-burner-thing-er-mabobber..

Heh.

My stomach hurts.. x_x It's not fun.

I can't sleep.

Evanesence is stuck in my head and it won't go away!

Oh, and I can fit a 10 guage in my tongue now, yay!

Sunday, May 25th, 2003

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Subject:Semi-Pictures
Time:2:22 am.
Mood: sleepy.
I think it would be really cool to have a friend here in Florida. I am not meeting people. It is not fun. I am aloneded. I go to the mall alone or with my mother who enjoys skipping... And being loud. It's quite pathetic.

I would like a friend who gives me hugs. Or a friend who doesn't give hugs but just talks to me. Talking is fun. I need a friend to bum cigarettes off of and to go to the mall with and to get high with and listen to music with. Friends are fun. I wish I had some.

In other news - Me and Mike are "together" I think.. Now.. Again.

Please do not ask me why, for I have no idea.

And I bought an alkaline trio CD today and a shirt that says:

Faster than an attack of the munchies
More powerful than the fear of paranoia
Able to pull tall bong hits in a single breath
LOOK, UP THERE IN THAT CLOUD,
IT'S A FREAK...
IT'S A WASTOID...
IT'S WEEDMAN!


Very fun.

The end.

Saturday, May 24th, 2003

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Time:1:04 am.
Mood: bored.
I am adding the words "yo" and "homie" into my everyday vocabulary.

I will try to say those two words once a day everyday for the rest of my life.

Yo.. I wish I had some homies.

Haha.. woo.. ..b o r e d .

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Subject:Woo!
Time:12:08 am.
Mood: crazy.
New tongue rings just got here - 4 for 10 bucks. Go me! I got a purplie sparklie one... A blue cats-eye one.. A dice one... And then an eyebrow thing. Eee!

Happy 'stina.. Go me..

Tummy hurts. Ack..

Alkaline Trio reminds me of Eddie, lol!

Friday, May 23rd, 2003

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Subject:Burp.
Time:9:16 pm.
Mood: artistic.
No more lovey dovey shit for me. I'm single and I'm happy and even though I'm alone it's okay! I can flirt! I was flirting today and I got a number and it was really awesome.. He lives behind Denny's across the street and he's really fun. We played in the McDonald's playground balls. Haha.

We're moving in November but we don't know where.. lol. Maybe on the west coast but we're not sure yet.. Lookin' at houses.. With pools.. Woo! And stuff.

My tummy hurts.

I lub my pink layout. Pink and purple and eeeeeeeeeeeeeee... Eeeeeeeee.. E. Lol.. I had a dream last night that I was dating Davey Havok. Haha! It was great... But then I woke up :( And I felt sad. Booooo...

I was watching Cowboy Bebop last night and Ed is so cool! I was like "Eddie!" and then I was like "Eddie should get his phone back on!" Because I have no one to talk to late at night anymore, poo.

Rain, rain... Mum and I went for a walk in the rain. Lol. It was fun. I bought a bag of feathers, lol! Woo..

Going now. Byeeee!

Thursday, May 22nd, 2003

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Subject:"I may be ten years old but I still know whats goin' on!"
Time:12:48 am.
Mood: giddy.
Ah.. If any of you have noticed, I've been experimenting with my layout and I like this one the BESTEST! Eee! I've also come to the conclusion that my mum hates the pumpkin... Next choice? Mwuaha.. The heart you see here my friends! She's grown on me. I'd like to have her on my back.. Between my shoulders... FOR ALL ETERNITY! Mwuahaha! o_o ..Kay..

RUBEN WON AMERICAN IDOL! FUCK YES!


..Yes. I am a slave to the American Idol show. Kill me. Haha... My mum was all "You're going on that show when you tutn 16!" ... The funny thing is she told me, rather than asked. Not "Hey, Kris.. You should really go on that show." ...It was... "You're going to be on that show, damnit." Haha.. So I shall sing my heart out and act an idiot on national television when I'm 16. Oh joy! -_-;

Speaking of birthdays.. AHEM.. Mine is July 31st. And I'll be back in Jersey because that's my birthday present from Joe and Mummy! Woo! So.. You must all buy me uber cool presents... Or like.. Cards... Or something. I'll settle for hugs! 'Stina likes hugs! Eee!

I have been getting no mail. Getting no mail sucks. Badly. Grrrr... Send me mail! Pwease? I'll love you forever an' ever an' ever an' ever an' ever... etc.

I'm so sick, so sick of myself! Mother say you'll pray for me!

Woo.. Random lines from AFI songness, yay!

I'm getting bored. I need stuff to do.. I never thought I'd say this... But I wish my fucking books would come already so I can start my school stuff. Psychology. That's the first thing they're sending - Yay! And no, the yay wasn't sarcastic.

CD burner, woo woo.. I can now make yummy mixed AFI stuffs to play over and over and over.. Woo!

Goin' now.. Bye!

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